The Deep End

For Lovers (and Friends) Who Don't Do Shallow

I’ve never known how to exist in relationships that don’t go deep. I (like you, maybe?) am one of those hopeless souls who craves meaningful connection and emotional depth in my relationships. I want to be seen far beyond the outermost layer of my skin. Far beyond the value of my body as a woman. Beyond even the simple companionship that I can provide as a partner and friend.

And similarly, I want to love others for the richness of their souls, the potency of their emotional experiences, and for a connection that offers more than simple companionship.

I want soul resonance.

There was a time when I believed that everyone wanted these same things. That we were all the same. Now I know that those of us who feel and seek on this level – in the deep end – are few and far between. We are rare.

This does not mean that finding the kind of love and connection that we crave has to be difficult (although it certainly can be). It’s just that we need to learn how to cherish this aspect of who we are, to love and accept ourselves for the ways in which we feel different, and to show up authentically in our depth, no matter how vulnerable and insecure it might make us feel. Then, and only then can we truly attract the kind of karmic love we know deep within our bones, that we are destined to receive.

And even then, love and relationships still may not be easy. That’s because we are here to be shaped by our experiences with love, connection, and partnership. We are meant to learn from the challenges that come with living and loving in the deep end.

Like swimming in a pool. You can relax in the shallow end with your feet firmly rooted on the ground beneath you, or skim the surface of the waters by resting comfortably in a float. This is not us. We are the ones swimming in the deep end, treading water, diving down deep, and using our own strength to stay afloat.

Thinking about it this way might make you question yourself. Wouldn’t I rather relax in the ease and simplicity of floating along the surface with a raft, or standing comfortably with my feet on the floor of the shallow side of the pool? And maybe you would. For a time.

But then some part of you, deep within – the part that yearns for depth – might become restless, dissatisfied, and on some level, unhappy. Because you were made to do the hard stuff. You were made to grow at lightning speed in this one lifetime. You were made to alchemize depth and make it accessible and digestible for others. And you do this by swimming back and forth between the bottom of the pool – all the way down in the deep end – and the surface where water and air meet.

Sometimes, this might feel like drowning. Like you are fighting to keep your head above the water. But with the proper support – like leaning on others who also live life in the deep end – you’ll find joy in the process, you’ll find the strength to carry on, and you’ll find space to be held and let yourself rest when you need it.

This also does not mean that you can’t swim over to the shallow end from time to time if you’d like. To relax in a more carefree environment. To find ease in the joy of existing. To connect with people who have a more light-hearted approach to life, and embrace the lightness of your own heart. In fact, this may be part of your process. Perhaps you spend some of your time swimming in the deep end, and some of it resting and relaxing in the shallows. Perhaps you find a way to blend two worlds into one, and the balance brings you bliss (that’s my goal, anyway).

The truth is, the choice is yours. It’s always been yours. Know yourself and honor your needs, be where you need to be in the moment. Be where you want to be. Chances are, you’ll find depth wherever you go. And you’ll come up for air and find places to rest when you need to. It’s all a part of living life in the deep end. 

Do you live life in the deep end too? I’d love to hear what that looks like for you.

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